so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
