I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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