I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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