i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
