I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
