just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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