Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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