so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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