I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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