Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
