life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
