FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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