Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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