Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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