His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
