he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
