What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
