I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
