all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
