can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
