In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
