Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
