The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
