STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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