I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
