You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
