Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
