she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
