did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
