Christians are straight up FREAKS
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
