Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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