It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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