You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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