hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
