somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
