dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
