I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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