Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
