she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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