Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
