My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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