Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
