I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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