how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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