I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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