my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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