hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
