I'm sorry my penis didn't work
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
