so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
