Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
