This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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