I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize