I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
