dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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