We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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