i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sober January is a disaster.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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