Where is the hickey?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
