I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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