I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
