u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can text with my tongue
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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