So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize