Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
