it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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