I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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