I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
