i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
