What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize