No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
