this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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