I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
