Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
