so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
