Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
