I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
