I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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