my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
