hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
