i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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